This is the first blog of 2020!
I hope your start of 2020 has been a good one. I took some time off to try and recover from the festive season. I always think the blog world hibernates a little the first two weeks of January so I thought it was a good time to stop for a minute. I am back and I won’t lie that the festive season has taken it out of me a lot. It has given me a lot to reflect on.

Christmas was lovely overall, but like always I made some mistakes and learnt more lessons the hard way. You all know I hate, HATE goals and New Years Resolutions as I don’t find them helpful. However, I have been more aware of how much I feel I “should” do or how much others can make demands of my energy without me thinking about. I want to be more aware and conscious of where my energy goes. It’s easy to try and be polite and pay for that dearly especially around Christmas. You want to see your family and friends, you want to stay up and see the new year in. That’s not a bad thing but it can wreak havoc with your health.

I don’t want to become a self-centred, entitled person. But sometimes it’s easier to say “Yes” rather than no. It’s easier to see all the adulting things you need to do and push back the things you want to do. If I saw my energy as a pot of coins would I spend it differently? I need to continue to try and be responsible as best as I can. I need to stop trying to help out to ease my guilt. My guilt for being a burden. Who does that help in the long run anyway? I crash eventually and then I need more help so I don’t achieve anything.

I’m not saying my life should be filled with exactly what I want to do without the boring, mundane parts because that is part of the beauty of life. I just want to be conscious of where my energy goes and what I am investing in. It is easy for my small pot of energy to dissipate before my very eyes. I don’t begrudge my energy if stuff comes up unexpectedly. Life happens, 2019 was a lesson in that for me! But if I were more clever with planning and consciously conserving energy I am sure it would make a difference. I want to get the most out of life because I know that it’s short and every day counts. I want to make sure I get to do the things I have wanted to do, life happens but without having an intention you have no direction.

I still need to do all the adulting I need to do to get by but I also need to remember to leave some energy for me.