What Do I Want For My Life?

Finding a sense of purpose amongst chronic illness can be a difficult task but when asks you what you want to do or work towards in life it can feel more than impossible. I live with M.E/CFS and every day can be so different it’s hard to plan a week let alone my life long plan.

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Sometimes, when you have doctors and other people who are there to try and help you it can feel like everyone has their own version of what they think you should be doing. I previously told you that I am so bad at goals because I hated others making them for me. As I have gotten older it hasn’t stopped and it annoys me endlessly. Someone once said to me make your own so people can’t fill in the gaps for themselves.

I sat here thinking what did I want from life? What do I want to accomplish? What’s in my short term future and what is in the long term? What is a not up for negotiation and what don’t I care for in my infinite wisdom? What is it that is actually feasible and what isn’t?

I come back to the thought of life is unpredictable and where I am sat isn’t something I saw coming. I have had times of being so unwell I don’t really remember anything of them. There have been many a time when I had to be shown Christmas or Birthday presents and be told who had given them to me. I’ve also been in a place of crawling on the floor to get to the bathroom because I was fainting a lot. Thankfully, I’m not in the same place now but I can’t say I’m going to cook and it is attainable. I am an expert operator of toasters and microwaves. I used to love to cook and bake it was my de-stressing therapy and it was painful to stop. I can’t lift anything heavier than a mug nor chop, peel or mix anything. To say I was going to bake again it would need a considerable amount of steps to be accomplished before it could be theoretically possible. Therefore I will use, used to bake and cook because I cannot right now nor is it a possibility in the foreseeable future.

So these are the goals I have for myself short-term and longterm
Short term:

  • Be present for every birthday and try to be engaged with every Christmas.
  • Keep my darling blog alive and try to invest more into it when possible.
  • I want to see the sea every summer, even if there is a distinct lack of sunshine.
  • Try to keep my own narrative in my life and be an advocate for myself rather than going with the flow and listening to the ‘experts’.
  • Create a routine for Baloo and I.
  • Remember to take time for myself

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work_ you don't give up. Anne LamottRead mor

Longterm

  • To move out of my family home away from the parentals – love you but we all need space eventually in the right environment.
  • Save more and get savvy with my finances.
  •  Go on holiday to one of the places on my bucket list
  • Learn how to drive
  • Create a home
  • Focus on creating a life that I love.
  • Find contentment rather than chasing happiness
  • Try to be the best version of me
  • Continue to learn and adapt

I don’t really do goals as you can see here for a blog post all about it, but I think it’s important to have a rough idea of the direction you want to go. If you have spaces in your immediate future others will fill them with their interpretation of what is best for you. You are the leading role in your life, don’t act like the supporting role. You are worthy and able to make your own choices and trust your instincts on what is important to you and your life.

 

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