Recently I had a moment when my reality which is my normal suddenly doesn’t match up to the world’s reality.
If you’ve ever been to the opticians, there’s typically a machine that takes a rough prescription of your eyes. It has a picture you look at, and it goes in and out of focus to take this estimate. I think my life’s reality is like the blurry haze of a picture just out of focus. Rose tinted glasses if you like. The world’s reality is when the machine suddenly clears and becomes crystal clear. The HD of life sometimes isn’t very pretty picture. Especially when the world’s reality and standards, are galaxies away from your own. The type of standards that you can only dream of.
During this time when my reality was painfully shown to be different to the world’s view of what my life ‘could’ or ‘should’ be compared to what it is, I felt like an uber dependent, regressed individual. I have the care needs similar to a young child and that is a harsh reality in your twenties. Bless my parents their job of looking after me should be over, instead, it doesn’t have an end in sight. I have a massive desire to lead an independent life, yet that is impossible as of now. It doesn’t appear to be changing anytime soon.
After I had my pity party for one, I realised that life doesn’t live up to expectations or plans ever. No experience is ever the same as or how you perceive life to be. This is on a greater scale when you have a chronic illness, but it’s the same for everyone. That isn’t to say that we should forget that life is more of a mountain track road rather than the newly done, smooth wide road with scenic scenes on each side. I know we would all prefer and imagine the lovely smooth route. We all have our own blockades to divert or to move aside. I wish the sudden jolt of the world’s expectations didn’t happen and that being trapped as I am didn’t upset me, but sadly that’s life. The great thing about life is it isn’t constant, it is ever-changing and that can be for the good and the bad. Life is messy, imperfect but so precious.
I just felt like this was needed to be spoken about because I felt ashamed about the thought process I have often. We aren’t alone friends.