As many people know, dating is hard and finding someone you, love can be even more difficult. I got ill aged 12, which meant that I was in and out of school until I had to be home educated aged around fourteen fifteen. I was too ill to keep up with friends and life at that age moves incredibly quickly. I was out of circulation and my social life was non-existent. Dating was something that I wanted when I was older but then suddenly I was 17 and it mattered. My priorities in life had switched and I wanted to get married one day in the very distant future. But how does one go about dating? Online or app dating is so common these days. Do you add in your conditions in your description? Or do you wait until you actually go on a date with them?
My baggage seemed bigger than the fabulous qualities I have as a person. As the years went on my ‘baggage’ felt like the Titanic following behind me. The typical questions of Why would someone take me with all of my issues on?’ or ‘They aren’t just taking on me but a life-limiting condition’ ‘Would I take me on if the situations were reversed?’ I also in a wheelchair felt totally invisible and undesirable as a person because my baggage is painfully visible and upfront.
I met Baloo in a very unconventional way online. We were in a secure forum. We weren’t looking for anything at all and it was so unlikely to happen. We were email friends for months before anything romantic happened. It is amazing still to me how unlikely we were to meet and get along as friends let alone anything else. I would still say if you really want to date then don’t wait around. Be proactive if that’s what you want.
Just because you are unwell and living with a health condition doesn’t mean that you can’t be in a relationship and be equal in that relationship. Yes, your condition might complicate things but you are still a person with amazing qualities. Being a couple might be challenging but everyone has baggage that they bring to a relationship, well or not. You just have to be more upfront about the way your life is, or how you can live life right now.
If dating isn’t something, you want right now but do in the future then work on yourself. Make time to work out your value and what your standards are because you deserve to be treated, as you want to be treated. It is better to be on your own than be with someone who doesn’t treat you right. I’m not saying you should demand diamonds, but if being on time means a lot to you and someone doesn’t give you the respect to turn up on time or ring when they say they will then leave. You are worth the value and respect ill or not.
I have to admit that I should’ve read this book before I ever started to ‘date’ as it would’ve helped me find Baloo or someone like him much sooner and saved me some pain. Don’t judge it by the cover of the book, it’s not a painful self-help type book you cringe the whole way through. Matthew Hussey also has a great YouTube channel which is good whether you are single or in a relationship. I find sense and logic in his way of thinking and there aren’t any gimmicks it’s pretty universal as an audience, which is a plus.
This isn’t something I usually would talk about but I felt for so long that I was isolated by the fact I didn’t see how I could be in a relationship or dating that I wanted to be honest. Baloo and I have been together for quite a short time, so I’m no expert but love is possible. Everyone deserves to feel loved cherished and respected as an individual. So strive for what means the most to you and don’t settle. You aren’t un-dateable, you just haven’t found the right person yet. Cliche as it is, life has a funny way of working out.